Fisting Betty Grable

Monday, August 17, 2009

Every Jewish male knows about the infamous "Bar Mitzvah boner." When you get up there and you're doing your haftorah, you can get pretty excited, and often it's been known to happen that the Bar Mitzvah boy will become tumescent and even come a little in his pants. This is so common that it passes without comment -- the Rabbi and the congregants pretend to ignore it, though you will sometimes hear some whispered remarks along the lines of, "Whoa, look at the Bar Mitzvah boner on that kid!" or simply "What a boner!" At my own Bar Mitzvah, I had an unusually prolonged Bar Mitzvah boner, and when I was finished my Uncle Jerry said to me, "Wow, kid, that was quite a boner!" I was so self-conscious about my performance reciting the haftorah, though, that I got defensive and insisted, my voice trembling with anger, that I was very proud to have not made any mistakes. I was very embarassed when I realized he had simply been talking about my erection!

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